Relationships with Alcohol

**This post was inspired by a text I sent to one of my best friends on 6.8.21**

Tonight I’m thankful I took control of my alcohol consumption patterns in college and basically cut it out for a while early on in my 20’s. Not only did it make me feel physically ill (not drunk or hungover, legitimate adverse impacts on my health), but the behaviors associated were enough to raise an eyebrow for me internally.

Part of my homework from my therapist the past two weeks has been to be deliberate about self care, and I took it a step further by setting the expectation that I keep a daily self care journal of sorts to go with it. Friendly reminder to the reader that self care is about the intent, not the activity.

Today felt like some next level bullsh*t. Even though it was very non-catastrophic it was still very emotionally taxing, and I knew exactly what would feed my soul and give me the level of self care I needed. I opted to eat a sizable homemade burrito and sip on Jameson.

Whiskey has always been my happy beverage. I genuinely enjoy sipping on it (also Bourbon and Scotch). However, I fully recognize that if I didn’t check my levels of consumption and intent behind consumption in college, I would probably be in a present day situation where I am forced to live completely dry. I am thankful I paid attention to my own patterns early on. I am thankful I have been very aware of all of my pattern based behavioral tendencies for a long time. I am even more thankful to be aware of what patterns can lead to. I fully recognize that I have a degree of OCD that heavily manifests in patterned behavior, and that could quickly lead to an addiction.

I am thankful for the self-awareness I had years ago, and I am thankful for the relationship I’m able to hold with alcohol today. I’m thankful that I’m able to truly drink whiskey (yes, straight whiskey) with my partner and not worry about patterned consumption. I’m thankful that I’m able to keep shelves fully stocked with various alcohols and have the distinct thought of “I wonder how long it will take me to get through that all?” that lands on the side of “hopefully before it goes bad.” I’m thankful I know and respect my limits. I’m thankful to be able to enjoy specific types of alcohol because I genuinely enjoy specific types of alcohol.

I know that I’m not alone in a potential struggle.

I know that I am human.

I know I am thankful.

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